Please grade my SAT essay. (Practice Test)?

I give it an 8/12. You provided two great examples which you elaborated on a bit, but you length and intro were issues for me. Most greatest scoring essays have at least 3 paragraphs: an intro, body, and conclusion. You did not seem to have a well-defined introduction or conclusion. Also, your first sentence was a bit too cookie-cutter since you basically repeated the prompt word for word. Try to make your hypothesis more original with your own style of writing. Overall, you are fine with presenting ideas to back up your point, but you need to improve on organization, diction, and syntax...